Open Relationships???

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Open Relationships???

The Twitter world has been a buzz with the recent Jill Scott statement that she had been considering an open relationship.

Jill tweets:

What do you think about “open relationships? Been considering.

Many friends are making it work. Not sure if I’m that girl but not sure if I’m not. Sometimes there’s an understanding that nobody else gets.

I’m certain of what I want and deserve. Still so many marriages fail. Worth the questions. Worth the thought. For some it’s a turn on.

Ok. Try This, the love of your life cheats and is honest about it. Your life with him/her is everything you want but monogamous. Do you stay?

Ima say this. If YOU can handle it, it’s yours to handle. Other people’s judgment matters not in this one life you have. Life is not black & pink

Jill’s comments struck a nerve with singer Chilli because she replied:

Chilli: Hell Naw To Open Relationships!!!

Brian White: Thoughts? RT @TaP_Ent: a woman doesn’t consider an open relationship unless she has been hurt, isn’t getting what she needs or is being spiteful

Chilli- @actorbrainwhite or just trying to please her wack ass boyfriend! Be strong and get the heck outta there! Your life and self respect is depending on it.

Chilli to Jill Scott: I’m about to call you cuz you can’t be in nobody’s OPEN relationships!! Talk about a horrible situation!!! So answer your phone.

So like Jill, I asked a group of people in my surroundings what they thought. Oddly enough, most of them disagreed with the open relationship idea. Male and female alike. Not one of them would consider it. Was it a sign of maturity or conform?

One of my friends pointed out that in an open relationship; someone is going to be neglected. In the case of Will Smith and Jada they don’t technically have an open relationship they have an open sex life. There is a difference. They are openly married and have never been seen out and about with other lovers. However, they claim to have sex with other people.

I must admit, it took me a while to write this post because I am not entirely sure where I stand. However, I came to the conclusion that my indecisiveness was based on selfishness. I can only speak for myself. When I was thinking of the possibilities of an open relationship it was more exciting; so to speak, when it was me with other people. It lost ALL of its allure when I imagined the person I love with another person, physically or emotionally. I think we all have been in an unofficial open relationship at some time or another; whether by choice or deceit.

I recently spoke to a friend who had considered an open relationship because she had just gotten out of a long relationship and did not want any ties. All she wanted was the company of a man from time to time. It was the ideal situation until the man she was unofficially connected to found someone else. It was very difficult for her to accept even though she was openly dating other men. When I asked her why, she admitted it was not just her ego but her heart. Even though she had mentally blocked out the possibility of real feelings, she had fell for him. The man being a man had not done the same or had eliminated the possibilities of a real relationship. She was left feeling worse off than when she had begun.

So in closing, I am a fan of open dating. But once two individuals get to a certain level of life building, only they should have input on the outcome. The title “open relationship” is misleading. It leads a person to believe that they can have the same quality of life with multiple individuals. This is not so, like my grandmother says “If you leave the screen door open, flies will get in”.