Growing Pains

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Growing Pains

"Growing apart from the people you once were closest with is hard. Even harder when you aren't sure how to fix it."

When I saw this quote today, it really hit home. Lately, it seems like  no one I am close to is "meshing" well with me. Everyone plays a role in your life. The comforter, the enabler, the confidant, the healer, etc. None of these people are able to provide me with their role "duties". I thought it was them. Maybe they are being self-absorbed, uninterested pricks. Or maybe God is putting me in a season of loneliness. He is eliminating everyone so that He is all I have left. His face, his comfort, he wants to be my primary confidant. 

Although, I have a good prayer life, God is saying it's not enough. I have to believe in what I pray for and walk upright. It can be an overnight change, with tests to come, If I am truly committed to the change. Here lies the fleshly problem. My commitment phobia and fear of change. What a journey I have. 

So this is my public apology for me not understanding the place where God was trying to take me and blaming my friends and family. No one can fill a void that big. I know that most of you care and some of you are down right nosey. I use this blog as an open forum for my emotions and life experiences, lately it has been a little dark. However, I feel a freshness and a better lady will prevail. 

14 days until I turn 30. Instead of dreading it, like I have been, I  thank God for the years and things he has given me. Not to mention all the places I have been able to see. I'm a blessed lady. I'm excited for the future. 

Lady Eloise